Thursday, October 2, 2008

No Burger Needs This Many Patties

Four patties, four slices of cheese. This is absolutely real, I took this photo today. This is not a parody, this is a legitimate product from Hungry Jacks.

I have nothing to say.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

'Spore', and the Borg from Star Trek

After waiting for ages for it to be released, I raced to the shops on Thursday to grab a copy of 'Spore'.

Spore is the creation of Will Wright, who made SimCity and The Sims.

In a way, he is a murderer. Let me explain why: I can remember many years ago when I was in High School in the early 90s, playing SimCity for hours on end. I can remember, many years ago, when I was just back from France, playing The Sims for hours on end. And I remember just a couple of years ago playing The Sims 2 for hours and hours and hours on end.

Now this time is hardly productive is it? Let's say I live to the age of 80, and by that time have spent 500 hours on Will Wright's games. Now, I have perhaps 2 hours a day of free time. So that's 250 days he has robbed me of. That's almost a year.

Steve Collis - would have lived to 90. Life cut short by brutal murderer Will Wright.

In a way, he is my benefactor. By providing me with a mentally stimulating, relaxing passtime he has helped me flourish during stressful periods of life. (Nothing like bossing some Sims around to satiate that ancient and fundamental need to maintain the preposterous schema that we have some measure of control).

ANYWAY! Will Wright has been working on 'Spore' for years and I've been looking forward to it. I played it a bit Thursday and Friday, and A LOT today. You get to control a cell, that evolves into an animal, then into a tribe, then a civilisation, and then to space.

Talk about CONTROL! You get to design everything!

When the spaceship designer screen came up (after I'd progressed that far, which took about 10 hours), a thought hit me: I WONDER IF I COULD DESIGN A BORG CUBE AS A SHIP!!!

You know the Borg? From Star Trek? Some of the best space villains in science fiction history!

I did make a ship, and then I used the video option to take footage of me flying about in it.

It is now exactly midnight on Saturday, and I feel a mixture of annoyance at Will Wright for once again hypnotising me, and a mixture of delight that after a few hours sleep I can play it again.

In the meantime, here is my Borg video. My favourite bit is just after the one-minute mark:

Thursday, July 24, 2008

A Song by Steve, A Splashed Random, Coke

In this blog, you get a variety show. Oh, lucky you!

Variety Show: Act 1, a Song

First, a song. I write quite rarely nowadays but it still happens. Very tempting to comment on it but I'll let it speak for itself, and you can interpret it as you will.

Meet me here, by Steve Collis

Though the night falls, meet me here.
In the darkness, meet me here.
Surprised by every moment, always blinking in surprise,
I feel Prometheus infected me with a walking,
living fire,
In the mixing of uncertainties, with changing states of decency,
The God of Ideology is not a god who I believe.

Though I stumble, meet me here.
In the darkness, meet me here.

I'm a puff of mist, here a little while,
I'm reduced to dust, save me or I die.

I navigate around this world, I'm desperate and mapless.
I feel slightly less than sympathy and slightly more than hapless.
There's a weight to my viscosity, my viciousness is virtually
The only way that's forward, but I'll still say bloody earnestly

Though the night falls, meet me here.
In the darkness, meet me here.
I'm a raging bear, you can hear me growl.

I'm a long-lost soul, I'm the milk gone sour.

In confusion, meet me here.
Though I do wrong, meet me here.
God in heaven, meet me here.

Now drifting like the sands of some Arabian deserter,
Religion is opium, and opium will hurt you.
If 'God' is just a drug to me, a blanket that will cover me,

Protect me from uncertainty, then 'God' is just idolatry.

Variety Show: Act 2, Steve Splashes a Random

Oooo now that sounds like the name of a song too: "Steve Soaks a Random".

See, I was driving to Turramurra Music this afternoon and was in the left lane to turn left and park. I was here:

Unfortunately, there was much water in the gutter, so made a huge splash. At this very moment, a random was walking by. A young women. She leapt away from my huge splash, but I think I splashed her significantly. There was another random on a bench near her. This random escaped being splashed. I desperately looked back as I turned left... order to get eye contact order to get absolution absolution that would never come.

But the two randoms were now smiling at each other as if the whole splash was amusing.

I parked as quickly as I could, hoping to apologise but I was not quick enough. She had gone.

Here's a video I took of the crime scene on my mobile:

Variety Show: Act 3, Coke

Just annoyed that Coke also has the audacity to outrightly purvey its product as happiness. At least it is cheaper than $99.

Look, in actual fact, I myself think of coke in these terms sometimes myself. But a bit of modesty wouldn't go astray. And shame on coke and myself for poor mathematics... sug + caff = happiness not.

Variety Show: Act 4, Parents Who Give Their Children Very Silly Names

A girl from New Zealand was named "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii". Now she is 9 years old and not terribly happy about it. A judge has ordered the girl be placed in court guardianship so it can be changed. Read here.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

My Crazy Dinner

Right, so the other evening I put together a plate of yummy stuff. I include a photo of my meal here for the edification of anyone fortunate enough to view it.

I challenge you to leave a comment ennumerating what you believe to be the foodstuffs on my platter. There are eight of them.

I'll get you started: the round white things are, in fact, pickled onions. I love those little babies. My only frustration is they have an incredibly propensity, if not stabbed at the right angle and with the right amount of force, for rolling off the plate, off the table, to some crevice or crack somewhere. Harder to relocate this lost sheep than a guitar pick.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Happiness, Only $99

I get grumpy whenever I see the spruikers at my local shopping centre selling "Happiness" for "Only $99". It puts me in a bad mood just writing about it.

They've been set up there for quite a few months now.

They're selling TREADMILLS of all things. Hardly a source of authentic, vibrant life.

They should change their slogan to "When you've spent a long day cramped indoors in the treadmill of work, come home and forget about it by getting on our mechanical treadmill!"

If they were selling orange juice, or a holiday, or a swimming pool, or a even trampoline, they could get away with it a little easier. At least the hyperbole would make some kind of sense. It would be congruent with the object.

But you can't, even figuratively, connect happiness on mechanical treadmill, no matter how poetic you're trying to be. It doesn't work. It's almost as bad as the McDonald's "Happy Meal". It only makes sense if the point of the slogan is sarcasm.

HA! It just occurred to me then, the final irony: that it's called "GoFit".

"Go"? HA HA HA!

You don't go anywhere!

No matter how hard you try, how long you walk for, you never go anywhere when
you're on a treadmill. Ok? Go. Ok? Go.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Child/Adult Psychology

Look at this note to mummy from a little girl - I found it in the coffee shop at Parramatta, just near the little amphitheatre where bands play.

"Dear Mum,

You are kind, caring and you bless me with love.

I love you so much. You are my life.

You go to work for me, and I appreciate that,




Adults are just the same, just more subtle (sometimes).

What tickles me is "and I appreciate that, but..."

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Look for me at

I'm going to post most new stuff over at my website Look for me there!

This blog I will keep for experimental stuff.

Friday, June 13, 2008

More live jazz!!

More live jazz!!

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My wife and friend are playing jazz in the loung

My wife and friend are playing jazz in the lounge room, so i'm broadcasting it from my mob.

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Jazz music live by my friends

Jazz music live by my friends

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Mob Blog from athletics carnival

I am using to instantly blog from the shotput at my school carnival. I am sending video too and recorded audio. Want to use same technology with students for learning.

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Just a test! To see if I can podcast from my mobile.

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from Steve

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Saturday, May 31, 2008