Happiness, Only $99

I get grumpy whenever I see the spruikers at my local shopping centre selling "Happiness" for "Only $99". It puts me in a bad mood just writing about it.

They've been set up there for quite a few months now.

They're selling TREADMILLS of all things. Hardly a source of authentic, vibrant life.



They should change their slogan to "When you've spent a long day cramped indoors in the treadmill of work, come home and forget about it by getting on our mechanical treadmill!"








If they were selling orange juice, or a holiday, or a swimming pool, or a even trampoline, they could get away with it a little easier. At least the hyperbole would make some kind of sense. It would be congruent with the object.

But you can't, even figuratively, connect happiness on mechanical treadmill, no matter how poetic you're trying to be. It doesn't work. It's almost as bad as the McDonald's "Happy Meal". It only makes sense if the point of the slogan is sarcasm.

HA! It just occurred to me then, the final irony: that it's called "GoFit".

"Go"? HA HA HA!

You don't go anywhere!

No matter how hard you try, how long you walk for, you never go anywhere when
you're on a treadmill. Ok? Go. Ok? Go.